I had my baby in England, and then in Paris, with Dr Spock my only advisor. I put him down on his front as somewhere I was told it helps with burping. My husband's grandmother came and stayed in the English village where we were for the summer. She watched over us for 2 weeks without interfering. When my son was asleep in his basket in the living room I remember Granny saying in a reassuring voice, 'you don't need to lower your voices; babies sleep through anything', and from that day I was relieved not to be tiptoeing around, and he slept soundly as predicted.
How lovely that Granny gave you such great advice! It is true - general noise doesn’t wake up a baby. A loud bang will but music makes all the sounds join together - much better!
It's such a boon to have a wise elder present with little tips like this; and so it is for your daughter. She is so lucky to have you there and it will make a big difference to that little one's life to come.
When I had my first baby in London, we had just bought a house in Scotland where my husband was being transferred to the head office of the company. I had a few weeks with my parents with mother doing most of the baby minding including making the milk for feeding her and then suddenly I was in Scotland knowing nobody and having no support. I quickly made friends with a couple of neighbours whose babies were the same age and together we learned. But hey my daughter is now 65 and she survived even though her mother was muddling her way through. By the time baby number two came I was a qualified mother and handled two children with ease.
such a good read, I get all of this and knowing when to ask, to help, to jump in, to stay out, to jump out, it's all a balancing act. when my middle daughter had her first baby, a preemie, who had to stay in the nicu until her intended birthdate, and was finally home, and I was the first baby sitter and her and hubby went out for much needed two hour date, they were showing me how to put together the milk to feed her, and the way I was doing it was the opposite of what they wanted, even though it was actually the same, just two steps but in opposite order, who was I to question it? and I so wanted to say, well, this is how I always did it and you all survived and it's actually exactly the same?!' but I stayed completely silent. understanding that they were very nervous with this sweet precious bundle who had come into the world so early and fought to make it to her birthdate and first baby and all that goes with that. fast forward two years, to their second baby, who came in a blizzard in the middle of the night, and when he came home a day later, and was using a pacifier a few months later, and spit it out on the ground, she licked it off and popped it right back into his mouth. again, I said nothing. but smiled inside.
Yes! You get it exactly!! There is this whole big thing at the pre natal classes spreading an undercurrent of suspicion of the previous generation. I heard the tutor say literally - don’t listen to your mums stories. They probably don’t remember it right. Of course I was outraged but like every other thing we say nothing. All I say - frequently - is trust your intuition. The rest is just details.
I have no children of my own, but I started changing the nappies of my siblings' children at the age of 9. My 50-something nephews and nieces are not happy when I play embarrassing older relative and remind them of this fact... From personal observation of my sisters, as well as bringing food, offer to mop the floor and do the laundry, and listen for (not hold) the baby while she grabs a shower and clean clothes. You are caring for the mum, the baby needs no help from you.
I was coming back from the farmer's market an hour ago (with about 10kilos of vegetables) when the chain came off my bike. A stooped 80 year old woman came up to me and asked if she could help!
When one of my daughter’s had her first child l spent a couple of days with them. On the first night home from hospital she came into my room , very distressed, saying that he just cried every time she tried to put him in his cot. I immediately jumped into action(after all that was what l was there for), took him in my arms and shooed her back to bed. After a lovely soothing cuddle with lots of gentle rocking he fell asleep in my arms tightly swaddled in a little cotton blanket. I laid him on his side covered by another cotton blanket holding him nice and securely. Feeling smug(clever old mother of five children)l went to sleep Early in the morning the midwife arrived early to check on things. Amazingly Stan was still asleep. OMG! She was appalled! He shouldn’t have been swaddled, he shouldn’t have been on his side and his feet should have been touching the bottom of the cot so that he couldn’t burrow down and suffocate! All smugness gone! Funnily enough when my daughter retells that story she claims she would never have survived that first night without my apparently ill informed intervention. How things change from one generation to the next.
I told my daughter I would come and help but i had to have a rocking chair. So she got one and called it the granny chair - just a little mean - until the first night she was home! Oh my god - she said as she sunk into a rock and baby immediately soothed. This has paid for itself already!
Every generation has different ideas about how to look after a baby. But, guess what, they all work. (as long as they are surrounded by love) I was only 17 when I had my son, but like you, I had helped my mom look after three younger brothers. My mom and my mother-in-law were wonderful; they offered just the right amount of help but gave me space. How wonderful that you are there for your daughter and her little one. I love the story of Timothy trying to be helpful. (I had a Timothy brother too, they sound similar)
I was terrified of SIDS when my kids were babies and now apparently we know so much more about it. My grands all slept in sleep sacks when they were babies--like sleeveless onesies with no legs. Took the place of the crib blankets we once used. And we always had puffy crib bumpers tied along the railings. Not any more. It's fascinating how things change. And though we oldsters scoff, there's good reason for it!
Yes! There is a study to prove any theory. I never liked those cot bumpers when my kids were little - I tried them out for a week or so but my baby kept wriggling under them. So out they went.
And I did not hear calls for riot troops. So that is good. I know it may not be well reported so our MAGA families see this too but I hope it is. I hope they get to see it.
Hello Celi - have just read your comments . . . thoroughly . . . remember I am way older than you > wish you could see me madly nodding even tho' I only had two . . . messy > always, I wish I had known then what I do know and had had the assurance to do what I felt was right . . . enjoy the 'noisy one' > part of life in your today . . . and tomorrow will be different :) ! hugs . .
Cecilia, your story certainly resonates with me, having raised two girls in the late 70's. Back then I was so young myself and my grandparents were great solid supporters. My daughters still remember them with much love. Things change but the love of grandparents remains. Great post.
I had my baby in England, and then in Paris, with Dr Spock my only advisor. I put him down on his front as somewhere I was told it helps with burping. My husband's grandmother came and stayed in the English village where we were for the summer. She watched over us for 2 weeks without interfering. When my son was asleep in his basket in the living room I remember Granny saying in a reassuring voice, 'you don't need to lower your voices; babies sleep through anything', and from that day I was relieved not to be tiptoeing around, and he slept soundly as predicted.
How lovely that Granny gave you such great advice! It is true - general noise doesn’t wake up a baby. A loud bang will but music makes all the sounds join together - much better!
It's such a boon to have a wise elder present with little tips like this; and so it is for your daughter. She is so lucky to have you there and it will make a big difference to that little one's life to come.
When I had my first baby in London, we had just bought a house in Scotland where my husband was being transferred to the head office of the company. I had a few weeks with my parents with mother doing most of the baby minding including making the milk for feeding her and then suddenly I was in Scotland knowing nobody and having no support. I quickly made friends with a couple of neighbours whose babies were the same age and together we learned. But hey my daughter is now 65 and she survived even though her mother was muddling her way through. By the time baby number two came I was a qualified mother and handled two children with ease.
Mothers are just as resilient as babies I think. And we can’t underestimate the power of a good neighbor!
such a good read, I get all of this and knowing when to ask, to help, to jump in, to stay out, to jump out, it's all a balancing act. when my middle daughter had her first baby, a preemie, who had to stay in the nicu until her intended birthdate, and was finally home, and I was the first baby sitter and her and hubby went out for much needed two hour date, they were showing me how to put together the milk to feed her, and the way I was doing it was the opposite of what they wanted, even though it was actually the same, just two steps but in opposite order, who was I to question it? and I so wanted to say, well, this is how I always did it and you all survived and it's actually exactly the same?!' but I stayed completely silent. understanding that they were very nervous with this sweet precious bundle who had come into the world so early and fought to make it to her birthdate and first baby and all that goes with that. fast forward two years, to their second baby, who came in a blizzard in the middle of the night, and when he came home a day later, and was using a pacifier a few months later, and spit it out on the ground, she licked it off and popped it right back into his mouth. again, I said nothing. but smiled inside.
Yes! You get it exactly!! There is this whole big thing at the pre natal classes spreading an undercurrent of suspicion of the previous generation. I heard the tutor say literally - don’t listen to your mums stories. They probably don’t remember it right. Of course I was outraged but like every other thing we say nothing. All I say - frequently - is trust your intuition. The rest is just details.
I have no children of my own, but I started changing the nappies of my siblings' children at the age of 9. My 50-something nephews and nieces are not happy when I play embarrassing older relative and remind them of this fact... From personal observation of my sisters, as well as bringing food, offer to mop the floor and do the laundry, and listen for (not hold) the baby while she grabs a shower and clean clothes. You are caring for the mum, the baby needs no help from you.
Yes! I am the handmaiden! Though I do have baby often when mum sleeps.
All that talk about milk made me think of Daisy!
I was coming back from the farmer's market an hour ago (with about 10kilos of vegetables) when the chain came off my bike. A stooped 80 year old woman came up to me and asked if she could help!
Ha!! Those delightful old ladies!!
Hie lovely and confident to offer you help!
My brother was convinced that the old lady thought he was trying to steal her groceries! He was lucky she did not wallop him with one of her bags.
Indeed!
When one of my daughter’s had her first child l spent a couple of days with them. On the first night home from hospital she came into my room , very distressed, saying that he just cried every time she tried to put him in his cot. I immediately jumped into action(after all that was what l was there for), took him in my arms and shooed her back to bed. After a lovely soothing cuddle with lots of gentle rocking he fell asleep in my arms tightly swaddled in a little cotton blanket. I laid him on his side covered by another cotton blanket holding him nice and securely. Feeling smug(clever old mother of five children)l went to sleep Early in the morning the midwife arrived early to check on things. Amazingly Stan was still asleep. OMG! She was appalled! He shouldn’t have been swaddled, he shouldn’t have been on his side and his feet should have been touching the bottom of the cot so that he couldn’t burrow down and suffocate! All smugness gone! Funnily enough when my daughter retells that story she claims she would never have survived that first night without my apparently ill informed intervention. How things change from one generation to the next.
They have so many rules these young midwives.
I told my daughter I would come and help but i had to have a rocking chair. So she got one and called it the granny chair - just a little mean - until the first night she was home! Oh my god - she said as she sunk into a rock and baby immediately soothed. This has paid for itself already!
Every generation has different ideas about how to look after a baby. But, guess what, they all work. (as long as they are surrounded by love) I was only 17 when I had my son, but like you, I had helped my mom look after three younger brothers. My mom and my mother-in-law were wonderful; they offered just the right amount of help but gave me space. How wonderful that you are there for your daughter and her little one. I love the story of Timothy trying to be helpful. (I had a Timothy brother too, they sound similar)
I have never met a Timothy I did not like!
Exactly!!
That was a good read - more solid than milk rice
Have a great evening David! Is it cold there in Welly?
It was 0.3℃ this morning - the easterly is always bitter
Wellington cold is a specific cold all of its own.
I was terrified of SIDS when my kids were babies and now apparently we know so much more about it. My grands all slept in sleep sacks when they were babies--like sleeveless onesies with no legs. Took the place of the crib blankets we once used. And we always had puffy crib bumpers tied along the railings. Not any more. It's fascinating how things change. And though we oldsters scoff, there's good reason for it!
Yes! There is a study to prove any theory. I never liked those cot bumpers when my kids were little - I tried them out for a week or so but my baby kept wriggling under them. So out they went.
You have seen a lot of changes in how to raise a human, and how to be helpful. I loved the stories. Be orderly, messy, and open.
Have a good weekend there:)
We are having a good weekend though I am afraid for America’s weekend. Hope you can gather somewhere safe.
Thank you, Cecelia. We did indeed. And millions across the country did, too. Thanks for checking in.
And I did not hear calls for riot troops. So that is good. I know it may not be well reported so our MAGA families see this too but I hope it is. I hope they get to see it.
Hello Celi - have just read your comments . . . thoroughly . . . remember I am way older than you > wish you could see me madly nodding even tho' I only had two . . . messy > always, I wish I had known then what I do know and had had the assurance to do what I felt was right . . . enjoy the 'noisy one' > part of life in your today . . . and tomorrow will be different :) ! hugs . .
Have a lovely evening Eha. Hope the winter is nice out your way!
Cecilia, your story certainly resonates with me, having raised two girls in the late 70's. Back then I was so young myself and my grandparents were great solid supporters. My daughters still remember them with much love. Things change but the love of grandparents remains. Great post.
Cheers, Flavia